allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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