Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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