white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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