where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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