I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
