she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
