So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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