I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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