Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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