just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
