I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
