She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
