Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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