how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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