I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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