im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
