i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
