Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
