Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
