Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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