I'm eating all of the evidence.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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