I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
