you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My life is pants optional.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
