I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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