fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
