I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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