he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
