so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
