Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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