I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
