I want to have your abortion
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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