Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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