We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
