8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize