He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she told me i tasted like america
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
