meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
