Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
