Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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