Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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