Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
