Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
