Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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