I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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