i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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