I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
