yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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