That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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