dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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