Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize