i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize