Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who died my cat blue again?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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