loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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