Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
