Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
