matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
