Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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