I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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