would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
