and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
only you would photoshop your dick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
