p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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