But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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