You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
