I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
