she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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