wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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