its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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