my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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