The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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