I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
