she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
