I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
