I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
